Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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