Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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