When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
