Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
