But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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