Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
