3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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