I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
