I hate all girls vehemently.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
