i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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