She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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