Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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