She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
