We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize