he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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