Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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