Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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