we're chasing vodka with high fives
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
