come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
