If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
