That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
