whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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