Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
