I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
