So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
