I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
