I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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