If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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