i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
