thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize