I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
