weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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