Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
