walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize