Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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