You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
