he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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