question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
