At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
