No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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