got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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