So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
