Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
