i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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