Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
