We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
