So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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