That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
