He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
