Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
