maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
