Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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