im drinking this country out of the recession.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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