Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
