If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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