Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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