So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
