I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
