omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
