ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
