fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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