I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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