Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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