K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
