I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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