Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
