HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
