Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
