I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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