Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
