Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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