It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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