All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think my tv is drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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