i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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