careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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