Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
